||[Apr. 12th, 2005|11:06 am]
I have a lot to blog today, but I'll start with a follow-up on a previous entry...
I was reading my old email last night when I re-read the one sent from my friend who'd spoke with her now boring ex. I'd missed that she was suppose to go by his work and pick up her stuff. I thought that it would be today, so I sent her an email sending good vibes re: the meeting.
Well, reading comprehension isn't my strong suit, because she responded saying the meeting took place LAST WEEK. And it wasn't good.
She goes to his work and he's nowhere in sight. Another worker asks if she's M, and then directs her to a box. Her ex had left a packed box with her name "SCRAWLED on the cover". Inside were her DVD player, her shirt a sock and 2 DVDs. She was really upset that there was no note or email saying that he wouldn't be there to see her.
So this past Sunday (I saw her on Saturday, and she looked fine to me...) she spent all morning crying, before heading to to Costco to get her Mom's photos. But there were pics of her birthday with her ex and on the last day they were together. So she breaks down in Costco. Yipe.
Now she's making an appt with psych services to help get over him, as well as throw herself into her work.
Now, I just feel freaking awful, and I guess it's good I never met the guy after all. But godfreakindamn I feel just sick. And not just for her, but for both of them, really. Even though, yeah, I'm suppose to be watching out for my girl, I really am...but breakups are hard. Unless he was a superb actor, I doubt he's taking it well. If so, he could've met her at his work, or at least left a note. I guess it's good that he at least packed a box and left it for her, I have no idea...
I haven't responded to her email yet, but I'm going to suggest that she just REALLY throw herself into her work and workout a hell of a lot more. Women tend to dwell on things, and talking to a shrink might slow her healing if she's focusing on getting over him and moving on. She doesn't need a breakdown of what went wrong, etc. right now. She has the rest of her life to do that. She needs to work through the grief and the loss (and graduate!!) first.
In any event (as this is my blog, and I'm suppose to relate this shit to me, hurr), my kneejerk reaction to all of this is to just fuck relationships, man. But that's only because I don't want to see my friend in pain, and because I can relate to that pain as well. But then I wonder why women (or at least the ones I know) get so devastated over breakups. Ok, no, that's not true, men get upset but they tend to work through it differently. Ok, so I wonder why do we get so goddamn depressed over other people. Women cry, men just look like a beaten dog. Some people move to the next, others throw themselves into their work.
Emotion isn't logical at ALL, but sometimes I think we haven't learned how to deal with it. I've seen grown people BEG for their lost loves to return to them. Or start stalking them, or whatever. Emotion, passion, whatever, seems to be the least regulated action today. It's not accepted to express these feelings, and when they get expressed, they tend to be in uncontrolled bursts and are met with pretty harsh reactions.
Take me, for instance. Since I'm such a fucking robot, I've become pretty righteous about my reactions towards certain situations. But when I do get riled up, it seems that people take me seriously when I am upset. Is it the best way? I don't know, I still think there are a lot of things I don't express that I need to. When something needs to be said, it's either in that EXACT moment, or when I've worked through the anger and resentment and sadness and can express it in a detached manner. So my reactions tend to be in the moment or on a very slow burn. Like, months, years old before I say "I didn't like when you did X, but I've worked through, so whatever." Despite my controlled reactions, I still feel I come across as being a hysterical woman. I dunno, issues maybe? But even when I had that early morning bathroom argument with those two dudes in the co-op, when I just fucking lost it when they started attacking me, I was still quite, quite articulate. I don't know whether to be proud or scared.
So what am I saying? I don't know. Events like these cause me to reflect on my own life. Which reminds me of the next blog I need to compose...